I'm gonna close my eyes and maybe it will go away!

"Platinum Blonde Life"
No Doubt (G. Stefani, T. Kanal, T. Dumont)
Rock Steady

I'm closing all the curtains
So don't you even bother
And they're calling out murder
But I'm underneath the covers
And who's fooling who
With this mood like a train?
Watch me roll over
Get out of my way
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away

I want a platinum blonde life
So I keep bleaching out the color
I try to say what I oughta
But never drink enough water
And where did my lamb go?
I wish she could stay
I feel empty as a widow
I'm gonna sleep it all away
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away I

'm going to sleep all through the day
I'm going to sleep my life away
I'm going to sleep all through the day
I'm going to sleep my life away
I'm going to close my eyes and maybe it will go away
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away

"Platinum Blonde Life" is one of my favourite songs off of the Rock Steady album. If they could have had five singles off of that album, PBL definitely should have been one of them. During the Rock Steady tour of 2002 I was so friggin' amazed at the live version of this song.

I think I wrote a little about my ex-boyfriend in one of the first posts on this blog. I won't rehash too much but I broke up with him in February. We are NOT friends. I haven't talked to him via phone or e-mail since and I have no intention of doing so.

He, on the otherhand is taking a different approach. A week after we split up, he turned up at my house. We'd been together for 5 years so he knew my schedule as well as my dad's. He showed up right after my dad left for work, at 7:45am. Since I didn't have class on Friday, I was still snoozing in bed. I've never ever been an early riser.

That morning I woke up to banging on my bedroom window. He was shouting "I know your in there! Come out and fuckin' talk to me!" My dog went bananas and started barking up a storm, but I didn't make a sound. 'What the hell,' I thought 'there's no way I'm going out there.' He continued for almost 30 minutes. I crawled quietly out of bed and hid on the floor with the phone in my hand. You know, just in case I heard the sound of breaking glass.

For someone who's favourite shows are Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess, I was very disappointed in myself. After about 20 minutes of silence, I finally marshalled some courage to peak out the wondow. (I was convinced he was trying to wait me out, like those Tom and Jerry cartoons.)

Every once in awhile, I get these e-mails from him. At first they had really abusive titles. I just deleted them without even reading them. About two months went by-- nothing.

Two nights ago I got another email from him. Damn! It's been seven months. What the hell do I have to do??? When we were together, he always said that if I ever left him, he would kill himself. For a 19 year old on her first relationship (with someone twice her age) this felt like quite a burdensome responsibility.

Phuong and Tony say I just need to "kick the door closed." Tony says that I have to tell him in some way (email, phone call, letter) that there is no possibility, whatsoever, of a reconciliation. Phuong takes this theory a bit further-- "Call him up and lay into him! Think of all the nasty things he ever did to you and UNLEASH on his ass!" Hmm. I'm afraid to do either of these.

I'd rather just close my eyes, hide under the covers until it all goes away.

In unrelated news, I still have not heard from my doctor about that CT thing. Phuong (she's very good with dispensing advice) has advised me to call her back tomorrow (Tuesday) rather than wait for her to call me. Last week I said no to unlimited free beer (welcome back to us SJSU students from neighboring merchants) since I felt unwell. Is it unreasonable for me to just wish the people at Schmiser would find out a way to fix me already??

What do you all think?

San Jose is in the middle of a heat wave. It was 99 degrees today. This sounds really mean, but I looked at the weather section of the paper today and thought to myself 'At least I'm not in Riyadh (108)... or Baghdad (118)... or Anaheim (107 [Long Live NO DOUBT]).

Live Well, Doubt Not!! Tragic